I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We need to rekindle our bromance
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
