please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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