life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
