when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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