I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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