She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
