i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
