ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize