Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I smell like Dick and happiness
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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