Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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