i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
honey bunches of taint.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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