you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
