I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You ruined the universe
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