I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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