dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
