what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
