Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
