sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
