i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
