i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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