Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
