she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i came on her dog
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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