she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
