Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
