i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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