I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
