he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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