I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
