ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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