Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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