I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
