I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
