Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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