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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
