no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
