Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
