Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
