I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
sarcasm needs its own font
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
