This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
