Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
