This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
