So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
