I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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