I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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