I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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