I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
