I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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