spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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