i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
