I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
