Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
