I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
