isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
