Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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