One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
