I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
