Its about making memories worth repressing
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
