All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
