Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize