i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
