exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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