you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
