I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
