my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
