some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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