literally had 100 drinks last night.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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