why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
