My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I wish there were birth control emojis
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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