It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
