no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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