saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
