If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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