I wanna passion pit in your ass
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
