so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
MIDGETS
????
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
