I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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