i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
