The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
