Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
