Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
