this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
