I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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