I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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