There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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