fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
