It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize