and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
