My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
