We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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