There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
