my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize