so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think my moral compass just broke
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
