dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
