okay pat passed out under dana's car
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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