He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
