We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
