How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just threw up on my dentist
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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