my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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