Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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